I used to be much too preoccupied with success and whether, at whatever stage of my life, I had measured up to my vision of my goals. I’m sure many of us do this pointless, self-defeating analysis.
I wasted energy, stressed over things over which I had no control, and neglected to spend time on what was truly important to me and to those in my life.
I had this recurring dream of becoming a successful entrepreneur. I would wake up, head to work, teach for hours with limitless energy, and have all the time I needed for self-care. I had convinced myself that in a few years, I would reach the pinnacle of success.
It didn’t seem like that should be so tough. Questions started to invade my every thought. Where had I gone wrong? Why was it that, five years later, I was in worse shape? I remember thinking how it was a miracle that I could wake up and be given the opportunity to try again.
In retrospect, self-determination, strong work ethics, and the ability to shift my perspective is what saved me from the abyss. It has taken me years to admit that early on, I was a compete train wreck and had absolutely no idea what I was doing. Instead of looking at how to overcome adversity, I fell into the victim role. I viewed success as out of my reach, nearly throwing in the towel countless times.
One thing I’ve learned is that if you focus solely on being successful, you’ll only worry about the worst-case scenarios and everything that could go wrong. It’s debilitating. Personally, it created unnecessary suffering before it fueled my drive and determination. I sometimes wish I could go back and tell my younger self it’s not all just about success.
For many years, I couldn’t see past the current catastrophe, wondering if it would ever stop. It took me many years of tripping and falling to view obstacles as an important growth opportunity, rather than something that was slowly killing me. I’ll confess I suffered from this affliction for far too many years. Every morning, new daily scenarios would pop up and instantly, I’d find myself succumbing to patterns of negativity based on my feeling of inadequacy. It’s common knowledge that people who start a new career or business venture generally feel imposter syndrome nagging at the forefront of their mind. It sure did for me.
The only way I found to escape these feelings was avoidance and passive aggressive behavior. I’m still working on managing both coping mechanisms. It doesn’t happen overnight, and I still fall into the trap — just not as often or for as prolonged a duration. We’re all human. No one is immune.
I’m not sure what shifted my perspective. For all I know, I finally cued into a friend’s caring words or heeded a mentor’s advice. Thinking back, it felt like a sickness. And after being sick for so long, my body built an immunity.
What also helped me shift my perspective was realizing the “why.” Why was I doing this? The short answer is, “to help others, and more importantly, to make a positive impact.” When I finally began looking at the journey and not the result, I felt the weight of the world fall away and the stress evaporate.
Take it from me. We’re all on the same journey. That journey is to leave the world a better place. Get out there, make your mark, and do it on your own terms!
Do your best to minimize self-criticism and judgment. Allow yourself to be vulnerable, knowing that mistakes can be turned into growth opportunities. My advice is to surround yourself with supportive mentors and friends, and to listen to every word they say! You don’t have to agree. However, you need to be open to their views and perspective. That’s what I’ve learned. I couldn’t have made it this far without my personal and professional support system.
Success is about growth, learning to listen, creating strong connections, and sharing.